


Control

by LionsHeart



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Detoxing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Malex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 11:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionsHeart/pseuds/LionsHeart
Summary: Michael decided to deal with his acetone addicition and Alex has some suprising inside





	Control

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any mistakes and I hope you enjoy it <3 It get's kinda sad, so I apologize. Malex are my broken babies and need to be protected.

Michael’s entire body was trembling. He tried focusing on his breathing, on the fresh air that was streaming in from the open window. This rehab thing really wasn’t agreeing with him at all. Subconsciously, he always knew Isobel and Max had a point when they talked about his heavy reliance on acetone. He knew it was way past normal and that it gotten out of control a long time ago, but he wilfully accepted it. The acetone made a lot of things easier, the pain became almost manageable and the craziness around him bothered him less. The blur the drugs and the alcohol provided kept him moving without completely falling apart. 

But it slowed him down too, when he was off of it before his brain was running about a million miles an hour and it overwhelmed him. He didn’t want to carry this weight with him every single day that he spend on this planet, at least not until a few weeks ago.  
The last couple of months, ever since Liz found out about them had been an absolute mess. Fear, mistrust and anger had been rattling him and his sort-of-siblings. Last month, Kyle came clean about Sergeant Manes and Project Shepard and revealed how close they really were to catching the three of them. They were facing a form of danger that they hadn’t been confronted with before, meaning they all had to bring their A-game. High as a kite wasn’t Michael’s A-game, he knew that, but it still needed the terrified look on Isobel’s face to push him over the edge.

He needed to do this for her and Max, no matter the pain. At first, he stayed at Isobel’s, to have a safe place to stay and to have her control him when he didn’t trust himself anymore to stay clean. Soon they realised though that Michael couldn’t stay. When the withdrawal starting actually hitting him with its full impact, he lost the bit of control he actually had on his powers. Within a couple of hours, he had trashed his guest room to the extent that Izzy was on the verge of tears, even though he did everything to keep his impulses under control. It just didn’t work. The pain, the headaches and the cold flashes were wrecking him. Unfortunately, his body reacted very human to the deprivation.

Thanks to Max connections and Isobel’s, let’s call it “people skills”, they managed to find an empty house a little out of town. It was in a remote area and there was barely anything in it that he could destroy. Isobel said she’d come visit every couple of days but her maternal and somewhat controlling instincts kicked in. Now she stayed at the house most of the time and Max checked in every day. Michael told them to keep going as usual but of course they ignored that.  
Lately it was getting more and more difficult for him to make nice with them since this cold-turkey phase was really screwing with his head. Michael couldn’t remember ever being in this much pain. They had started off by lowering his dosage and now moved on to complete deprivation. It was absolute hell.

When Michael heard wheels on the dirt road in front of the house, followed by the bang of a car door, he sat himself up against the head board of the bed. This small movement alone made him want to throw up. On the plus side, the sooner he got Max’ daily check up over with, the sooner he could go back to staring at the sealing without being bothered. Moments later he could hear Isobel talking as they walked up the stairs to Michael’s room. He wasn’t ready for more pitiful looks and obnoxious pep talks. With a heavy sigh he turned to look out the window to watch the last rays of sun cloaking the sky in beautiful colours. 

The door swung open quietly and he heard the steps on the cold tile floor of “his” room.

“Yeah, yeah I look like shit. Duly noted.” Michael said, trying to hit his old sense of sarcasm.  
“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve seen you look worse before.”

Michael spun around and regretted it immediately because for a second his vision got blurry and a monotonic beeping arose in his ears. He stared at Alex as he slowly closed the door behind him and walked over to sit on one of the chairs that Isobel had put right next to the bed. Michael opened his mouth even though he didn’t have a response at hand. Alex’ appearance had him simply stunned and confused. They hadn’t seen each other in weeks and their last confrontation wasn’t exactly a picnic. Now he knew. Alex finally knew and that was all in all forth it to Michael. It still didn’t explain why Alex was here right now. 

“If they start making me some kind of attraction they should at least take money for it.” Michael quipped. He tried a sneering grin, but it died on him rather quickly. Alex didn’t react at all. He just scanned Michael as he was sitting on the bed in an old black shirt and shorts, his hair looking like a nest and his face almost as pale as the wall behind him. 

“What? Don’t I get an A for effort? Trying to change my bad ways?” He held out a hand as if he expected Alex to high five him but his hand was shaking so badly that he let it fall back on to the bedsheet. Alex’ eyes followed his movement and Michael was getting frustrated at the stone-like expression that was written on his face. He could usually read Alex pretty well, just based on experience alone and on the fact that most of the time Alex didn’t even try to hide his feelings. 

“If you hadn’t known before that this wasn’t meant to be, then this would have really sealed the deal for you right? Criminal, alien and addict. Some kind of a new trifecta of freakishness.” Michael sighed. His voice wasn’t as strong as he wanted it to be. He hated sounding defenceless, even with Alex. He had always taken comfort in the fact that their balance of power was always even. But now everything felt wrong.

“Isobel called me.” Alex said. He was calm and to Michael he sounded reserved. It was the same tone he had every time he was in uniform. “She told what was going on that you were kind of derailing over the last days, since you were going completely off of acetone.” Michael studied Alex face and posture. He didn’t seem angry or defensive in anyway but there was a coldness around him that made Michael’s heart drop. Alex looked so much older than he had ever seen him. A shiver ran through Michael’s body and he pulled the blanket over his legs even though he knew that the shiver had nothing to do with the temperature in the room.

After a quiet moment Michael said slowly “You shouldn’t have come. I don’t know what Iz told you but I can’t really control myself these days.” When Alex didn’t look him in the eyes he added “I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”  
“I know you would never hurt me.”  
“Not intentionally, no. But I can’t keep it in check. It comes and goes.”  
“Like the dizziness and the cold sweats? How sick do you feel?” Alex voice was a bit softer now, but he still didn’t really sound like himself. There was something in his eyes that Michael couldn’t identify.  
“I’ll manage. It’s just like the worst hangover ever.”  
“That’s the understatement of the century.” 

He was right. Of course he was. Michael let his head fall back against the head board, his eyes never leaving Alex’ face.  
“I bet you didn’t come here to listen to me talk about how often I throw up or how rarely I actually sleep. Did you want to see some shit flying around? Or the house shake when the anger comes?”  
No response.  
“Why did you really come here?” 

The colour drained from Alex’ face and for a long moment he stayed quiet. Then slowly he reached into the pocket of his jacket. Whatever it was he was gripping, he still hesitated to actually pull it from where it was hidden. With a smooth motion he then pulled his hand back and tossed the object onto the bed where it rolled towards Michael. Curious, Michael picked it up. It was a pill bottle and the label told him it was for Vicodin. The seal hadn’t been broken yet, but the bottle didn’t look new.

“First of all, I didn’t take you for the person to help me cheat in rehab and second, I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t think this is gonna work on me. Human pain killers are weird.” Michael stated and he looked up, a bit amused until he saw the look in Alex’ eyes. He felt like an idiot that he didn’t realize it before.  
“No.” he whispered. He looked back down on the label to read the name of the subscription. Alexander J. Manes. The darkening sky outside reflect exactly how Michael felt in this moment. He stared down at the bottle and then at Alex who had crossed his arms in front of his chest and fixated his eyes on the orange bottle in Michael’s hand. 

Michael tried to get his voice back and cleared his throat. “How long have you been clean?” It wasn’t the question he actually wanted to ask but it would have to do for the moment. He saw Alex’ eyes drift to the floor. There was vein on his neck that was pulsing, and his breath was going faster. 

“About 8 months.” he said quietly. “Those” he jerked his head towards the bottle “were my breaking point.”  
“What is that supposed to mean?” Michael didn’t know if he actually wanted an answer.

Alex let out a long shaking breath and leaned forward a bit. “When I got home from my second tour…I couldn’t sleep. Like at all. I had nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night screaming. I was going insane. I started with Ambien. I…” he ran a hand through his hair and Michael saw the distraught look on his face. “I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted to sleep and not see those things playing over and over in my head. I needed it to stop. I ended up really over doing it with that so at one point I wasn’t able to sleep or go on without the pills anymore.”

It was like the façade that Alex had build up so carefully around himself was breaking apart in front of Michael’s eyes. “When you are over there you just function. You don’t work past the things that you see and experience, you just store them away because you don’t have the time. There are people around you that rely on you to do your job at the maximum of your abilities. But then…” Alex gripped both of his knees so hard that his knuckles turned white. “…then you come back, and that barrier breaks, and everything just hits you. Because you are at home and nobody is relying on you and nothing is keeping you from playing it all over in your head.”

“Alex…” Michael whispered but it was like Alex didn’t even hear him.

“It’s just so much and I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t handle it. When I lost my leg, they gave me more for the pain, the real one and the phantom one. It drowned everything out. Everything. I didn’t have to feel any of it, and it was such a relieve. I just couldn’t get away from it, I just needed that feeling to stay.” 

“I know.” They’re eyes met and there was it again. This understanding that brought them together even when they were teens. No judgment.  
“Sorry. I didn’t what to go on a rant like that…I just wanted you to know…I wanted to make sure that you know you aren’t alone.” Alex murmured.  
“Thank you.” He really meant it. He knew how much willpower it must have taken Alex to reveal what he did. “How did you get clean?”  
“Same system as you now basically. Lowering the doses bit by bit and then going off completely. It was absolute hell. Nobody can prepare you for that. But I needed to do it, I just wanted to be clear. I felt like I didn’t even really exist anymore, and I just wanted to come back.” Alex looked very tired but also relived. 

Michael thought about his next words carefully. “I’m glad you did. Come back, I mean.” A weak smile curved Alex’s mouth. “So am I.”  
“You shouldn’t keep this around though.” He held up the bottle and shook it.  
“Yes, probably not. But that I haven’t felt tempted to open it gives a weird amount of comfort, to be honest.”  
“I know that this is a dumb thing to ask and I know we aren’t in that place, but could you stay with me.” Michael asked, looking down on his hands. Alex didn’t answer. He just got up, pushed the chair back and made the last few steps towards the bed. Michael immediately moved over to make space for him, and Alex sat down. Michael tossed the bottle away and he heard it roll towards the door. Right next to him, Alex leaned back against the headboard.

“I’m sorry that you were in so much pain that you had to drown it this way.” Alex stated. “But I know you can do this.”  
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough Alex.” Michael whispered. Alex was one of the only people he would ever admit this too. “I’m just so tired.”  
“You are. I know you are.” He reached for Michael and entwined their hands. Another shiver ran through Michael’s body but this time it didn’t make him want to jump out of the window. He closed his eyes. Like Alex said, it was going to be hell. Something else he said resonated even more with him. Michael thought he needed to do this for his family. He had thought he needed to get clean for Izzy and Max, to stop being a problem on their already overblown list of life-threatening issues. On some level he still did but he needed to do it for himself first. 

He wanted control back, as much as he could possibly get.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and pretty please leave some feedback, that always helps me a lot!


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